1. Uggs. I don’t care how comfortable they are, they look incredibly sloppy. And no matter how trendy they are they just don’t go with anything except sweatpants and if you’re going to go out in public, we’d all appreciate you putting yourself together at least a little bit.

How could you possibly leave this tied up on the street?

2. People who take their dogs to restaurants, tie them up outside, and then proceed to spend the next hour inside having dinner. People, either leave your dog at home where they can at least roam around the house instead of looking so incredibly pathetic tied to a parking meter, or eat dinner outside where your dog can actually enjoy your company. Your pets are loyal to you, return the favour.

3. Pedestrians. I don’t own a car and so this is coming from one pedestrian to all the rest. This is also mostly aimed at people in the Bay area, though it definitely extends beyond regional borders. I only have one question, what the f#@$ are you thinking? Okay, maybe two questions. Do you really think that a set of laws that drivers only need to know 80% of are going to be enough to protect you from 4,000 lbs. of steel when you are convinced that you have the “right of way?” In reality, the right of way belongs to those who are bigger, and a car is always bigger. Please value your life more than some higher ideal you may hold about whether or not vehicles should stop for you. Dumbasses.

4. People who ‘mm-hmm’ too much. I’m all for people being active listeners and I think that it’s important to make enough eye-contact and give enough verbal feedback so as to continue the conversation. But. Have you seen Old School where Will Farrell and his wife are in counselling and the counsellor goes, “mmhmm, mmhmm, mhm, mhm, mhmm”? (There’s a tree with a nest.) Now take that 4 seconds of movie gold and put it in a real conversation over a 20 minute period and it can get annoying. Really annoying. What this says to me is that you’ve been trained to pretend to listen but you’ve already determined what preconceived response you’re going to give and you’re just waiting for me to shut the hell up so you can tell me why I’m flawed. Awesome. Please be my friend. (By the way, if you haven’t seen Old School yet, we can no longe be friends.)

5. These people. Saw them on the street the other day. I don’t even know where to begin with these people. Honestly. You compared Obama to Hitler? Really!!!???!!

6. Bluetooth ear pieces. The problem with bluetooth ear pieces is two-fold. The first is that it validates those dip-sh!!$ who think it’s cool to be seen talking on one of these things. Wrong. These are tools to help people who are forced to be on the phone for countless hours, or who drive and are required by law to use one, or who constantly have their hands full but have to talk to their boss anyways. The second problem is that I no longer have a clear idea of who is crazy.  I can no longer tell who is jabbering on to themselves and who is just having a completely ridiculous conversation with someone and I don’t know because they have long hair, thus, covering up the ear piece.

7. Sapporo beer. This one is simple. Sapporo beer can be found in almost every sushi restaurant and is a decent imported beer. The problem? It’s not imported from Japan. It’s imported from Guelph, Ontario which is about an hour from Toronto. Even in Toronto this beer is sold as an import even though the beer you’re drinking never crosses a national border. Because of this, I drink Asahi in sushi restaurants and I’ve found that it’s generally cheaper. Don’t believe me, check the can the next time you buy one. Correct me if I’m wrong.

And, I’m out.

~Kbshea