I have something I must confess.  For the past several months I have been engaging in clandestine activities at all hours of the day and night away from my friends and family.  The burden is just too great for me to hide any longer.

Hello.  My name is Iscarot and I am a level 70 Tauren Beastmaster Hunter.  With my loyal pet, Dung, I travel the world of Azeroth (on the Uldaman server) and kill things.  I use my Valanos’ Longbow to take down mostly beasts, demons, and the restless spirits that roam the wild.  This I do for the loot or because someone has paid me for my services. 

But sometimes I kill people.  This I do for fun.  I didn’t start this war.  It’s been raging on for centuries and for the most part my people have stayed out of the fray, content to go about our lives and keep our noses out of other people’s business.  But those damn Night Elves just had to go screwing around with magic they didn’t understand and they blew shit up.  Now the hold world is falling apart.  So, sometimes I like to go and kick the crap out of them elves.  I hate elves.

Technically speaking, my people are aligned with the Horde forces but this was really a choice of the lesser of two evils.  Do you think we really like hanging around Orcs and Trolls and the Undead?  The Undead have rotting flesh dripping off their bones, the Trolls have found some weird herbs in the jungle and are just plain weird, and Orcs are smelly, disgusting creatures.  And I can take a crap while walking so that’s saying a lot (I only do this at parties or when I’m deep in the forest and don’t feel like stopping).

But that ain’t nothing compared to those damn Night Elves, Humans, and Dwarfs.  All they talk about is living in balance with nature and following the “Light” and how the “Light” will lead them to victory.  But everywhere they go they leave behind wreckage and carnage.  And, if you decide that you don’t want to join in their little crusade against darkness, then they label you an enemy and march all over your lands.  Did I mention I hate elves?

I don’t mind Gnomes even though they’re really little and it’s hard to imagine something so small having a brain large enough to understand speach but they seem to make it work.  But, they chose to side with the Night Elves so if one of them ends up in my cross-hairs I take’em down. Pewpew. Done.

I’m actually a very peaceful Tauren and I spend most of my time wandering the wilderness with my pet, Dung.  Dung is a ravager I found in the Outlands.  I gave him some food and he’s been following me ever since.  I started calling him Dung because he’s about as attractive as the steaming piles of manure that I leave behind.  

When we’re out in the woods Dung likes to bite and claw at things, which keeps the beasties distracted while I pewpew them.  We try not to waste anything though, so I use the meat from the beasts to feed Dung and I skin them to make clothes and whatnot that I sell at the market when I venture into the cities.

It’s good to have a hobby, especially when you spend so much time on your own, wandering around, sometimes aimlessly, just exploring.  It seems I’ve developed the wanderlust.  I guess it’s always been that way.  I left my village at the tender level of 5 and I haven’t been back since.  I’m also enjoy fishing and I’m pretty handy with a camp fire and a skillet.  Being on my own as much as I am, I’ve also had to develop some serious first aid skills.

If I wanted to I could justify all the killing that I do.  I could say that I kill the beasts because they reproduce at such rapid rates that I help keep their numbers down to a reasonable amount.  And the demons, spirits, elementals are all by-products of the evil magic that those damn Night Elves unleashed and if we don’t keep them in check, they’re bound to spread their infestation.  And when I volunteer to be sent to the battlegrounds I could say that if I didn’t go someone else would end up going and probably get hurt so I’m helping my people that way.

But the truth is, I really like to kill things.  It’s that simple.  It’s that feeling of knowing that I’m better than you and because of that, you are now dead.  And there’s no coming back, unless you believe in instantaneous reincarnation like I do.  Sometimes I lose and am sent to the great spirit world where the Spirit Guardian helps to guide my spirit back to my corporeal existence.

Am I proud of what I do?  No.  But I am no longer plagued by the nightmares of those that I have vanquished coming back to seek their revenge that used to haunt my sleep.  These days I sleep soundly and I’ve even managed to gain honor in the eyes of those that lead me into battle.  But I don’t fight for them.  I fight, and kill, because after all these levels and personal quests I know nothing else.  

My name is Iscarot and I like to kill squishies.